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Stop the Violence

Letter From the Inside
Author: Anonymous

The following letter was written to one of the 
programs that ShoutOut works with, New School, by a 
prison inmate doing time for murder. He had previously 
been a New School student. This is his story.
Well, I just wanted to write to see whatís up and to 
let you know that I havenít forgot about you.
As for me, Iím finally off lock down and man it feels 
good to go out of the box for more than 1 hour a day. 
But, Iím not at the Holiday Inn and Iím not here for 
being a nice guy, so itís all good. Well, a lot has 
been on my mind lately, the outs, my family, the 
family I have at school and mostly what I did. I donít 
know if you guys know but I have a feeling you know 
bits and pieces of what happened that night I got 
locked up. But, before I say anything Iím going to 
remember some things I used to think when I was in 
your place right now listening to another story of how 
someone f----- up.
I remember honestly thinking, man this guy is stupid. 
He didnít know what was up. But I do. So Iíll learn 
from ďhisĒ mistakes and better myself by knowing when, 
how and why he slipped up and got thrown in jail. 
Damn, I thought I was the most sneakiest guy born.
I used to just listen and think ďMan Iím never going 
to get caught.Ē Iím never going to get locked upÖ but 
sh-- happens and while youíre living your own little 
fantasy of burning, drinking, and not giving a f---, 
thatís when sh-- happens. And thatís when you get 
caught slipping. I know some of you right now are 
probably thinking that I was the stupid one. I didnít 
know what was up, but that just puts you where I was 4 
months ago. And for those who knew me, passed the pipe 
with me and did all that other sh-- I used to do 
should know I knew what was up. And look at me now. 
Iím in NRCC on the way to an institution and Iím 
looking at a 4 year max. I wonít do the 4 years but 
thatís not the point. The point is sooner or later all 
the sh-- youíve done and all the sh--you do will at 
some point or another catch up with you and thatís 
where the fantasy ends, and reality come and slaps you 
in the face and wakes your ass up.
I know those who know me are probably thinking ďWhy is 
Sam coming at us like this?Ē Well, you want to know 
why? Itís because the night I got all crossed over on 
gin and a gram of weed, I thought I was in control. 
But you know what? It was the exact opposite. I lost 
That night I rushed an innocent man, got a crowbar and 
beat his head with it as hard as I could. I felt his 
blood squirt on my hands and face. I could hear his 
wrist break from trying to block the crowbar from 
cracking his head open. I could see the fear on his 
face. I could hear the pain in his cries. But you know 
what? I just kept hitting him until finally he didnít 
fight back, and all he could do was lay there and 
Lost control. F--- yeah I lost control. But this time 
I didnít get away. This time reality came and slapped 
me in the face.
Iím not proud of what I did. Iím not happy of what I 
did but the fact is I did it. And now Iím locked up 
and you know what? I honestly feel that I deserve it. 
I deserve anything and everything Iíve got coming to 
me. And you know Y.A. isnít a walk through the park. 
And, because Iím 18 Iím going in with the big boys. 
Well, I wanted to be a tough guy so they sent me into 
a whole dorm full of them. See, reality sucks. But, I 
never knew what reality really was because I always 
had my head in the clouds. I made my own reality, my 
own rules. One big f------ game and I was the main 
player. But now the game is over. I lost. But for 
someone else the game keeps going.
Well, Iím not writing this to change your life or to 
try to school you down. Itís just that I want you guys 
to think.
I used to be the one sitting there listening to the 
stories. Now, Iím just another storyteller. Just 
another page in the book of life. And who knows, you 
could be the next page.
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