The following letter was written to one of the 
programs that ShoutOut works with, New School, by a 
prison inmate doing time for murder. He had previously 
been a New School student. This is his story.
Well, I just wanted to write to see what’s up and to 
let you know that I haven’t forgot about you.
As for me, I’m finally off lock down and man it feels 
good to go out of the box for more than 1 hour a day. 
But, I’m not at the Holiday Inn and I’m not here for 
being a nice guy, so it’s all good. Well, a lot has 
been on my mind lately, the outs, my family, the 
family I have at school and mostly what I did. I don’t 
know if you guys know but I have a feeling you know 
bits and pieces of what happened that night I got 
locked up. But, before I say anything I’m going to 
remember some things I used to think when I was in 
your place right now listening to another story of how 
someone f----- up.
I remember honestly thinking, man this guy is stupid. 
He didn’t know what was up. But I do. So I’ll learn 
from “his” mistakes and better myself by knowing when, 
how and why he slipped up and got thrown in jail. 
Damn, I thought I was the most sneakiest guy born.
I used to just listen and think “Man I’m never going 
to get caught.” I’m never going to get locked up… but 
sh-- happens and while you’re living your own little 
fantasy of burning, drinking, and not giving a f---, 
that’s when sh-- happens. And that’s when you get 
caught slipping. I know some of you right now are 
probably thinking that I was the stupid one. I didn’t 
know what was up, but that just puts you where I was 4 
months ago. And for those who knew me, passed the pipe 
with me and did all that other sh-- I used to do 
should know I knew what was up. And look at me now. 
I’m in NRCC on the way to an institution and I’m 
looking at a 4 year max. I won’t do the 4 years but 
that’s not the point. The point is sooner or later all 
the sh-- you’ve done and all the sh--you do will at 
some point or another catch up with you and that’s 
where the fantasy ends, and reality come and slaps you 
in the face and wakes your ass up.
I know those who know me are probably thinking “Why is 
Sam coming at us like this?” Well, you want to know 
why? It’s because the night I got all crossed over on 
gin and a gram of weed, I thought I was in control. 
But you know what? It was the exact opposite. I lost 
control.
That night I rushed an innocent man, got a crowbar and 
beat his head with it as hard as I could. I felt his 
blood squirt on my hands and face. I could hear his 
wrist break from trying to block the crowbar from 
cracking his head open. I could see the fear on his 
face. I could hear the pain in his cries. But you know 
what? I just kept hitting him until finally he didn’t 
fight back, and all he could do was lay there and 
bleed.
Lost control. F--- yeah I lost control. But this time 
I didn’t get away. This time reality came and slapped 
me in the face.
I’m not proud of what I did. I’m not happy of what I 
did but the fact is I did it. And now I’m locked up 
and you know what? I honestly feel that I deserve it. 
I deserve anything and everything I’ve got coming to 
me. And you know Y.A. isn’t a walk through the park. 
And, because I’m 18 I’m going in with the big boys. 
Well, I wanted to be a tough guy so they sent me into 
a whole dorm full of them. See, reality sucks. But, I 
never knew what reality really was because I always 
had my head in the clouds. I made my own reality, my 
own rules. One big f------ game and I was the main 
player. But now the game is over. I lost. But for 
someone else the game keeps going.
Well, I’m not writing this to change your life or to 
try to school you down. It’s just that I want you guys 
to think.
I used to be the one sitting there listening to the 
stories. Now, I’m just another storyteller. Just 
another page in the book of life. And who knows, you 
could be the next page.
Page #44412
Sam