I grew up in a really strange family. Apart from 
making me soup from boiled beets (it’s actually not 
that bad, once you get used to it), my family would 
answer any health question I had with 100% honesty. So 
when I was four or five years old, and asked my mom 
and grandpa how babies were made, I wasn’t told about 
the stork, or a cabbage patch. Instead, I was shown a 
medical dictionary, with diagrams of ovaries and 
vaginas and penises, and actually told how babies were 
made. 
You’d think that growing up in a family full of 
doctors made it easy for my elders to talk to me about 
sex—but it was just the opposite. I never got a “birds 
and bees” talk, and although my mom would willingly 
show me dead bodies in a lab, with their organs 
spilling out, she never told me about the importance 
of safe, and consensual, sex. She always told me that 
it was a private part of my personal life, and that 
she did not want to get involved; my grandparents said 
the same thing. I think they will always want to see 
me as their baby, exactly the same as I was when I was 
five, even though now I can drive, am going to 
college, and live on my own. 
I was lucky to go to an elementary school that had sex 
education, and there I was taught the basics—using a 
condom, abstinence, taking birth control pills, etc. 
Learning all this was great, but I am most thankful to 
my friends for teaching me the most important lesson 
about sex and losing your virginity—dealing with 
regret/your emotions. 
Everyone always talks about how there are so many 
myths and questions about the first time—will it hurt? 
am I going to like it? can I get pregnant my first 
time? But I had never heard about how much a young 
woman can be emotionally moved during that first 
sexual experience. 
Before I go on, let me tell you a little bit about 
becoming sexually active. Sometimes, your first time 
can hurt a little, sometimes it can hurt a lot, and 
sometimes it takes a few times for your body to get 
used to intercourse. But more importantly, you should 
know that having sex for the first time doesn’t 
protect you against pregnancy or STDs (sexually 
transmitted diseases, like AIDS, herpes, etc.). I was 
surprised to find out that about 85% of females can 
get pregnant during their first year of sexual 
activity, if they are not using any methods of birth 
control. And even if you are on the pill or other 
hormonal contraceptives (like the patch or the shot), 
there is still a 25% chance of getting an STD if using 
unsafe sex practices. Along with this information, I 
would also like to tell you about a few of my friends, 
their experiences, and what it has taught me about 
sexuality and deciding to become sexually active. 
The first of my friends that lost her virginity did it 
with her very first boyfriend. They had a long, on and 
off relationship, and none of us liked him or thought 
he was good enough for her. He would never let her 
hang out with us unless he was around, he was jealous 
of any other guy friends she had, and he had to know 
where she was every minute of the day. Whenever I 
would hang out with her, it seemed like he was always 
there or he was always calling her, asking when she 
would come and see him. She had sex with him once, and 
they broke up soon after. After a while, she met 
another guy, and they fell in love and are now 
married. They are both religious people, and she has 
never told him about her first time with that 
boyfriend. When she was getting married, she would 
tell me how much she loved her fiancé, and how much it 
hurt her knowing that she had let herself, and her 
faith, down for a temporary relationship. 
This girl has always been one of my best friends, even 
though I did not share her religious beliefs. But I 
have always respected her for her determination and 
dedication to her religion. I am thankful for her, and 
she has taught me to never let my beliefs be 
compromised for a guy, unless I am sure that he loves 
me for the right reasons. 
Yet another friend has taught me to have confidence in 
myself and in my sexuality. When I was a sophomore in 
high school, we had a really weird “trend” start up—
all the girls were suddenly bisexual, and had 
girlfriends. For a while, it was more common to see 
girl-girl couples than guy-girl couples walking around 
at break and lunchtime. This friend of mine joined 
the “trend,” and from then on she always had a 
girlfriend. She claimed she was a lesbian, but she 
would tell me a few times how she liked a certain guy, 
and junior year she went to prom with a boy, and he 
became her boyfriend soon after. That relationship 
ended quickly and she was back to liking girls, but 
during a weekend road trip our senior year, she again 
mentioned how she was attracted to a certain boy. 
She is now attending college on the east coast and has 
a steady girlfriend. But the hard time she had in high 
school really showed me the importance of trusting 
yourself. It is no one’s place but your own to decide 
who you are attracted to and who you want to be with. 
I have never brought it up with her, but I will always 
admire her courage to go through the social struggle 
she has undergone to discover her own sexuality. I am 
not a doctor, nor am I a therapist; I am just a girl a 
few years older than all of you, and I hope the 
experiences of my beloved friends will help you just 
like they have helped me. No one is going to tell you 
how your sexual experiences and relationships will 
turn out. All I have learned is that I have the 
ultimate control over my body, mind, and emotions, and 
I am grateful to have been able to learn from the 
lessons my friends have taught me, each in their own 
special ways.