Letter From the Inside
The following letter was written to one of the
programs that ShoutOut works with, New School, by a
prison inmate doing time for murder. He had previously
been a New School student. This is his story.
Well, I just wanted to write to see whatís up and to
let you know that I havenít forgot about you.
As for me, Iím finally off lock down and man it feels
good to go out of the box for more than 1 hour a day.
But, Iím not at the Holiday Inn and Iím not here for
being a nice guy, so itís all good. Well, a lot has
been on my mind lately, the outs, my family, the
family I have at school and mostly what I did. I donít
know if you guys know but I have a feeling you know
bits and pieces of what happened that night I got
locked up. But, before I say anything Iím going to
remember some things I used to think when I was in
your place right now listening to another story of how
someone f----- up.
I remember honestly thinking, man this guy is stupid.
He didnít know what was up. But I do. So Iíll learn
from ďhisĒ mistakes and better myself by knowing when,
how and why he slipped up and got thrown in jail.
Damn, I thought I was the most sneakiest guy born.
I used to just listen and think ďMan Iím never going
to get caught.Ē Iím never going to get locked upÖ but
sh-- happens and while youíre living your own little
fantasy of burning, drinking, and not giving a f---,
thatís when sh-- happens. And thatís when you get
caught slipping. I know some of you right now are
probably thinking that I was the stupid one. I didnít
know what was up, but that just puts you where I was 4
months ago. And for those who knew me, passed the pipe
with me and did all that other sh-- I used to do
should know I knew what was up. And look at me now.
Iím in NRCC on the way to an institution and Iím
looking at a 4 year max. I wonít do the 4 years but
thatís not the point. The point is sooner or later all
the sh-- youíve done and all the sh--you do will at
some point or another catch up with you and thatís
where the fantasy ends, and reality come and slaps you
in the face and wakes your ass up.
I know those who know me are probably thinking ďWhy is
Sam coming at us like this?Ē Well, you want to know
why? Itís because the night I got all crossed over on
gin and a gram of weed, I thought I was in control.
But you know what? It was the exact opposite. I lost
That night I rushed an innocent man, got a crowbar and
beat his head with it as hard as I could. I felt his
blood squirt on my hands and face. I could hear his
wrist break from trying to block the crowbar from
cracking his head open. I could see the fear on his
face. I could hear the pain in his cries. But you know
what? I just kept hitting him until finally he didnít
fight back, and all he could do was lay there and
Lost control. F--- yeah I lost control. But this time
I didnít get away. This time reality came and slapped
me in the face.
Iím not proud of what I did. Iím not happy of what I
did but the fact is I did it. And now Iím locked up
and you know what? I honestly feel that I deserve it.
I deserve anything and everything Iíve got coming to
me. And you know Y.A. isnít a walk through the park.
And, because Iím 18 Iím going in with the big boys.
Well, I wanted to be a tough guy so they sent me into
a whole dorm full of them. See, reality sucks. But, I
never knew what reality really was because I always
had my head in the clouds. I made my own reality, my
own rules. One big f------ game and I was the main
player. But now the game is over. I lost. But for
someone else the game keeps going.
Well, Iím not writing this to change your life or to
try to school you down. Itís just that I want you guys
I used to be the one sitting there listening to the
stories. Now, Iím just another storyteller. Just
another page in the book of life. And who knows, you
could be the next page.