Me, Myself & Mary Jane
How I Lost a Friendís Trust
For a month I had been thinking about smoking weed. I
had smoked it many times before, but this time I had
been clean and sober for about three months. So I
figured that itís not a big deal to do it again.
Besides, during the three months of being sober things
were not working out in my life. I was having trouble
in school and at home with my family. I felt like I
needed to escape from everything that was going on and
the only way I knew how was through smoking weed.
One day I mentioned to my friend that I wanted to
smoke weed. She discouraged me from smoking and didnít
like that I was thinking about it. She told me she
cared for me and that she was there to help me make
good decisions and that there were other things that I
could do besides smoking. She tried to help me make
the right decision, but ultimately it is always up to
A day finally came when I just couldnít take it
anymore and I needed to escape. I felt like
everything, including my life, was a mess. I was tired
of everybody B.S.ing me for no good reason and I was
tired of everything that was going on. So I decided to
smoke some weed. I was home alone with no one around
to tell me what to do and I wasnít thinking about
anybody or anything. I thought only about escaping
When I got high I laid on the floor in my room.
Everything was quiet and no one was around that I
could hear, inside or outside. It was just me alone in
my own little world, which was a great relief from
everything that was going on outside my life. It felt
so good while it lasted. But eventually I came back to
reality, back to all the B.S.
Besides the B.S. came the consequences. I knew I
couldnít keep this away from my friend who didnít want
me to smoke. I knew I had to tell her. I couldnít lie
to her and tell her that I handled the situation
differently. Lying would have felt wrong.
At first I was afraid to tell her what I had done
because I didnít know how she was going to react or
how she was going to feel after all she had done for
me. I didnít want to face the consequences of my
wrongdoing and how it might affect our friendship. I
feared that she would be mad and her trust in our
friendship might be ruined.
When I told her I was nervous and afraid. I wrote her
a note saying that I needed to tell her something but
that I didnít want to tell her because it was going to
change our friendship. After reading the note she
assured me that it wasnít going to change anything. I
guessed she thought I was going to say something
positive. But as the day progressed she started
figuring out that what I needed to tell her was not a
In the end I didnít have to tell her what I had done,
she already knew. She still wanted me to tell her
myself, but I couldnít. Iím not sure why I couldnít
say what I had done. I guess I thought, ďyou already
know so why do I have to say it?Ē But I finally told
After I told her that I smoked pot again she asked me
why I did it, what was I thinking and when did I
smoke. I remember her telling me that at the moment
she didnít know what to think or how to feel because
she didnít know why I had done it. At that moment I
couldnít look her straight in the face because I was
disappointed in myself that I had let down a person
that cared for me. At times when I would look at her,
she looked sad, mad, and disappointed. Looking at her
made me feel worse inside.
The next day I gave her a written explanation of when
I smoked weed, why I did it and what I was thinking.
Later on that day she told me that our friendship
wasnít really ruined, but that the trust she had for
me was. She said she still trusted me, but not as much
as before and that I had to gain her trust back. She
also told me she still cared for me and that I had a
second chance. To me it was a big surprise that I got
a second chance because some people rarely do that. I
really appreciated that.
Up to this day Iím still working on gaining her trust
back, which isnít easy. I learned that doing drugs
doesnít solve problems, but makes them worse. The high
that you get from smoking weed only lasts a certain
amount of time, but your problems will remain. I also
learned to not put a really good friendship on the
line for drugs.
If you are considering smoking, please consider the
following: Marijuana could lead to many different
consequences like short-term memory loss and a
difficult time thinking. The long-term effects are
cancer and problems with lungs and airways. Also, you
could lose a good friend.