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Youth Life!





My Mother Aint No Mama
Author: Your Next Door Neighbor





It was late at night when I woke up to my mother’s 
words, “Que no quiero, que no quiero!” As I lay on my 
bed, I kept quiet and I didn’t know what was going on 
with my parents. My father kept telling my 
mother, “Andale, andale.... solo un ratito.” 

I was between four or five years of age when this 
happened to my mother. It took a long time to 
understand what my mother was going through. 
Remembering back to my childhood, I was confused as to 
why my mother began to sleep in my brother’s room. Now 
that I am much older I understand that she was 
sexually abused. Thinking back to this malicious act 
my father did to my mother, it makes me feel angry and 
sad at the same time. I was young so I couldn’t 
understand and, regretfully, I couldn’t help my 
mother. As I was growing up I didn’t think anything 
wrong happened. I thought it was only an argument my 
parents were going through.

My mother began acting a little different after that 
night. She stopped being close, in a loving way, with 
my father. The biggest thing that I noticed was that 
she no longer slept in my father’s room but preferred 
my brother’s room instead. She slept in my brother’s 
room for a long time. I didn’t know what to do or who 
I should talk to because I felt uncomfortable 
discussing it. As time passed I finally realized what 
had happened between my mother and father. Feelings of 
hate and anger toward my father began to grow more and 
more intense. I was not aware that husbands could 
sexually abuse mothers until I saw it happen in my 
family. My mother became part of an unfortunate 
statistic: One in three adult females are physically 
assaulted by their partner, according to Women’s 
Crisis Center in Watsonville.

Approximately 200,000 women are raped each year by a 
current or former intimate partner, according to 
LACAAW-Los Angeles Commission on Assault Against 
Women. The U.S. Department of Justice reported in 1999-
2000 that 89% of females and 11% of men get sexually 
assaulted/raped and only 24% of them report the sexual 
assault/rape to the police. Many of the victims feel 
that sexual assault/rape is a personal matter and no 
one needs to find out. The closer the relationship 
between the victim and the offender, the greater the 
likelihood that the police will not be told about the 
rape or sexual assault,” according to the U.S. report. 
In 80% of sexual assault/rape instances, the offender 
is a husband, boyfriend, friend, or an acquaintance. 
Only 20 % of the time the rape or sexual assault 
occurs by a stranger. In our local area, Watsonville 
had 23 forcible rapes reported in 2002. This number 
only represents the victims that decided to report to 
the police. There are hundreds of incidents that are 
related to Intimate Partner Sexual Assault and go 
unreported every year.

Why is it so hard for a victim to report being raped? 
These victims—or as I prefer to call them, survivors—
find it difficult because they fear the persecution of 
others. With my mother I saw fear of survival, love, 
threats, shame, embarrassment, humiliation, fear of 
being alone, guilt, denial, lack of support, and 
damaged self-esteem. Overcoming these obstacles can be 
a long and complicated process. A battered person 
should be honored for their struggle rather than 
blamed for continual abuse. It is always a triumph 
when an abused person manages to leave an unhealthy 
and/or violent relationship.

If you find yourself in this situation, the best thing 
to do is to get professional help as soon as possible. 
Call the Women’s Crisis Line at (831) 685-3737; they 
are available 24 hours a day.
Now that I am a young adult I can understand what she 
went through. If I had known at the time what was 
going on I could have helped my mother by knowing some 
of the symptoms of sexual abuse, like the following:

• You are frightened by yours partner’s temper.
• You find yourself being criticized for daily things,
  such as your cooking, clothes, or appearance.
• You are humiliated or degraded by name-calling, put-
  downs, and accusations.
• You have been discouraged from seeing family or 
  friends.
• Your partner makes frequent threats to withhold 
  money or resources, take away children or have an 
  affair.
• You feel isolated, alone, scared, and/or trapped.
• You have been kicked, hit, shoved, restrained, or 
  had things thrown at you.
• You have been forced or pressured into having sex,
  or doing things sexually you do not want to do.
• Your possessions have been destroyed by your partner.
• Your telephone has been pulled out of the socket.